Wendsday January 16th 2008 That morning Nana and I went to the Welland Hospital, I was one week over due and they were going to induce me into labor. They were going to use a gel to make me go into labor. When we got there we found out that I was already dilating and they were going to put me on the drip which meant u would be born that day for sure. At 10:15 am they started the drip. We called Auntie Sammi right away and she left school to come and wait for her baby Clara to be born. We tried to call Daddy but he was at work and couldn’t hear his phone. We called Uncle Tyler at school and he left and came to the hospital to wait for you to be born. We finally got a hold of Daddy and he was on his way to the hospital. So not to much happen for a pretty long time. But around 3pm I started to get a lot of pain and Dr Chaudhry the doctor that delivered you broke my water. We waited still for a pretty long time. I was in a lot of pain and I had diarrhea and had a lot of pressure pain. I can remember sitting in the rocking chair listening to Nana and Auntie tell me I had to breath… what they didn’t realize was I was breathing just not the right way. Everyone took turns holding my hand. Uncle Tyler kept getting wet face cloths for Nana to wash my face. At about 5pm the finally hook to me with the epidural which really did not help one bit. They checked me and I had went from 2cm dilated to 9cm. Around that time the wonderful anesthesiologist came back in before she was to leave for the day and seen how much pain I was still in. So she gave me a second shot of epidural juice. Now that finally took away the pain. I couldn’t feel my legs and they were shaking uncontrollable. Then it was time to start pushing you out. Once Dr Chaudhry arrived it took three pushes and you were born. That was at 7:48pm. You cried when you first came out and took your first breath. They cut your umbical cord and took u to the warming station to clean you up. Then out of what seem to be no where Nurse Jen yelled to someone and said “ Call them now just get them here press the emergency button if you have to” I had no idea what was going on but they told me they were taking you to the nursery. The doctor told us they thought you had inhaled some makomium and they had to clear your lungs. They moved me to my room and at the point Dr Visbal the pediatrician came in he told us they were going to move you and I to Mcmaster Hospital in Hamilton. There were no free beds at Mcmaster so they wanted to air lift you to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto. Sick Kids Hospital sent a team of people to bring you there. There was 2 doctors and 1 nurse. At that point they told Daddy and I that we could come and see you. So I got in the wheel chair and we went to the nursery. They had u in a bed that was to high for me to really see you from the wheel chair so I stood up to see you. The nurses said I shouldn’t be standing because I just had the epidural but I didn’t care I want to see you. While we were there the helicopter arrived and Daddy and I had to leave. Some time later the doctors from Sick Kids came to talk to us. They told us that the problem was the stuff they thought you inhaled. Once they stabilized you for flight I got to go see you again. Then she crashed and they had to stabilize you again. When I went back to see you we were able to put your blue prayer beads from Uncle Chris in with you. We tried to take pictures of you but they had big orbs in the picture. Nana, Auntie Sammi, and Mommy got in the car and drove to the hospital. Thursday January 17th 2008 We arrived at Sick Kids around 5am. We were not able to see you at all. Finally a doctor came to talk to us. With the problem they thought you had in your lungs the Doctor told us if you didn’t turn around within four hours they would have to try a very invasive procedure that is extremely painful and they would have to assess if it was worth putting you through that pain or not. Nana called Daddy and told him he had to get here right away. Nana, Auntie Sammi and mommy were sitting in a waiting room. Auntie Donna came to the hospital as well. We were all extremely upset. Then I told everyone that if god was going to give you to me just to take you away so fast I had to no reason to live. 15 Minutes after that I had a feeling of calm and I stop crying. I told everyone that you were going to be just fine that I just knew it you were going to be fine. Nana and Auntie Sammi figured I lost my mind. Nana was crying very badly and she said to her self that she had to stop crying because she needed to get a nurse and tell them to medicate me and call in a psychiatrist because she truly believed I was having a complete break down. Nana and I went to the desk to ask again If we could see you. They told us we could. When we got to your room the doctor pulled us aside right away and took us back to the room where he had given us that awful news. As we were walking down the hall all I could think was I just cant get any more bad news it has to be good news. The doctor told us you had a problem with your heart but it was fixable by open heart surgery. It was a very risky surgery for such a sick little baby but it was your only chance so Mommy told them to take you to surgery. By this time Daddy had arrived. The social worker took us to a room where a bunch of doctors came to explain their roll in your surgery and we had to sign papers for the surgery. By 1pm you were in Surgery and at about 5:20 they came back to tell us that the surgery was a success. They were having a hard time stabilizing you again and when we were back in to see you we put the pray beads back with you. The next 48 hrs would tell us a lot and were very important. That night they had to go back in and perform a procedure in your room. Friday January 18th 2008 We were now able to see you more which made everyone happy. Every time we went to see you, you looked better to us. No one had said you were better but you looked it. Today you opened you eyes and I got to look in to your eyes for the first time since you were born. They starting cutting some of your medications back to see how well you would do. You were doing well. Saturday January 19th 2008 I woke up and went to see you and the nurse said to me that you were actually doing well which was the first time the hospital staff said some thing like that to me. They also turned down your ventilators and the amount of oxygen you were receiving through the night and you were doing well with that. They stated an I.V. of one of your medication to relieve the swelling you were having. This was working very well. By the evening you had been taken completely off one of your medications. Mommy and Daddy went in to see you and you stated blowing spit bubbles. I yell to Daddy to get the nurse because I figured something was wrong. You nurse explained to me that I was a good sign the swelling was going down. Sunday January 20th 2008 They were able to turn down your ventalator and oxygen a bit but then u didnt respond so well so they had to turn them up a little bit. They also told us today that your white blood cell count is up which is a warning sign that you could be getting an infetion. Because of that we have to really limit who is able to actually go in to you. They said only mommy, daddy, and one other person and it has to be the same person. So of course its Mommy, Daddy, and Nana. They were able to start giving you some breast milk today only about 5cc's but its a start. You also took a poop today which was a good sign since it was your first poop since surgery. Monday January 21st 2008 Today they decided to do the wash for your cheast to clean it out. it was a fast proceedure that took about 1 hr. Of course to mommy and nana it seemed to take forever.But the wash went well and there was no infection and no excess blood. I went to see you before the proceedure and your cheast was not covered as it usually was just covered with what seemed like seran rap. It was very hard to see you like that. they started giving you more breast milk, 15 cc's. I got to put lotion on your little feet and legs because your skin was very dry. Nana also seen your little tounge move and she got to see you blow your spit bubbles for the first time. Tuesday January 22nd 2008 Today, you were having a bit of a hard time. They have been playing with your machines and its been bugging you so they have hard to keep turning them up and down. Your alot less swollen. You are still having your poops which is a great sign. They put a hat on your today and you look so cute with it, its the first bit of clothing you have gotten to wear so far. Mommy slept alot today which is making Nana very happy. Mommy has been so tired and finally i have been able to sleep. Wendsday January 23rd 2008 Today they told us you were not doing well and if we kept you as is you would not make it. Your only chance was to hook you up to the ECMO machine. So of course i signed the papers to hook you up to that machine for them to do it. Of course they made sure Daddy and I were well aware it might not work. But if u had no chance as is i had to try. I knew all along you were going to get better Thursday January 24th 2008 No real changes today. You are still on the ECMO machine and stable. They didnt expect to see any changes right away. we are just praying for you to get better Friday January 25th 2008 You are still on the ECMO machine and stable. They did another cheast cleaning today and everything looked ok. they still want to use the ECMO machine to rest your lungs. They did a lung biopsy when they did your cleaning to see whats wrong with your lungs. I went to see you at one point tonight and you were awake. You looked at me when i talked to you. You tried to make you head move towards me and you were even squeezing my finger. You looked so strong Clara. I know you have to get better we all just love you so much your a fighter. Saturday January 26th 2008 You are still stable on the ECMO machine you were awake off and on today but you are still very sadated. there were no real changes Sunday January 27th 2008 You are still stable on the ECMO machine and have not made any changes. They nurses told us they were going to meet with us tomorrow to tell us the results of your biopsy and to see what our next move will be Monday January 28th 2008 We had the meeting with the doctors today. The doctor told us that your lungs never developed properly and you had the lungs of a fetus. I asked if you could have a lung transplant. They told me it wouldnt work on someone so small. They told me you were not going to get better and that they could take you off the ECMO machine and try and hook you on the machine you were on before and let me hold you for the first time and then i would have to decide when to take out your breathing tube. They told me i didnt have to decide right away but there was nothing more they could do. I talked with Daddy and we didnt want to keep you hook to machines longer then you had to be. Tuesday January 29th 2008 I told the doctors that we wanted to start the proceedure to take you off the machines. At about 1 oclock they started it. The doctor came in and told me you body was not handling being on the old machine and they have been unable to take you off the ECMO machine. They didnt know if i was going to be able to hold you before you past away. A few minutes later the doctor came back in again and said they could have me in your room and instead of taking all the tubes out they could clamp them so they didnt leak and have me hold you as you past on but there would be no me telling them about your breathing tubes. So of course i jumped to be in your room because i wanted to be the one to hold you in that time. I was able to hold you in your final minutes. They then had a surgon come in and sew up your open cheast and i was able to come back in and they had you all dressed in white and i was able to hold you again. I let everyone else hold you as well, Daddy, Nana, Uncle Tyler, Auntie Kayla, Auntie Sammi, Auntie Donna, Auntie Brenda and of course me most of all. after a while they told me it was time that i had to give you back and leave. i held you so close and i felt my heart breaking i couldnt bare to give you to anyone i wanted to keep you in my arms forever.